Uncle Ben's Column
Dear Uncle Ben
I'm absolutely incandescent with rage. I'm so cross that I can hardly write due to my shaking so much.  I've just received an impudent letter from the Society asking if I've do enough and why don't I attend more meetings.  I'll tell you why - I've got far more important and useful ways of spending my time than sitting being lectured to by some pompous prat.  I've been refereeing for nearly twenty years and still turn out most Saturdays.  What else can be expected of me?  Please tell those sanctimonious cretins on the committee to p**s off.
Mr Angry, Durham

Dear Mr Angry
You've now got me, a well laid back, inoffensive type that I am, almost as incandescent as yourself.  You great pillock.  You say that you have been refereeing for twenty years - I bet you still referee to Laws and interpretations that are twenty years out of date.  Things move on.  How are you keeping up with today's style of play - and with today's style of refereeing?  You at least owe it to yourself, if not to the game, to keep up to date.  What if someone gets hurt because you were unaware of the scrum engagement procedures we now follow?  Not only would you be morally at fault, but you would be laying yourself wide open to being sued.  Standing in the witness box claiming that you had twenty years experience and didn't need any further training will have them rolling about in the aisles -especially if the prop you caused to be tetraplegic falls out of his wheelchair.  Grow up and realise that your responsibilities extend further than your own pleasures.
Uncle Ben